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Underpants Crisis

Snow fell lightly from the sky onto the roof of the East Side Community Center. Throughout the suburbs of Pleasantview, children of all ages donned their winter gear and headed outdoors to build snowmen and igloos, and partake in the occasional friendly snowball fight. |

Inside the warmth of the conference room, Ebon Huntress and Violet Haze were completing their weekly status meeting. “The final item on the agenda is the new uniforms,” informed Violet. “Where do we stand on that?” asked Ebon. “John got the latest designs in last night. He should have them forwarded to your e-mail now for your review.” “Good. Let’s hope they got the design changes right this time. What is this, the tenth revision?” “If you weren’t so picky…” |

Ebon and Violet were suddenly interrupted by an incoming call on the viewscreen. Ebon activated the console and was greeted by the visage of Senator Herb Oldie. “Senator Oldie, what can we do for you today?” asked Ebon “Ebon Huntress, I am glad I was able to reach you,” greeted Oldie. “Have you been keeping up with events in the Mediterranean?” “Only what Chromed Avenger gives me in daily reports. Why?” “A situation has come up in the United Nations. Have you heard of a small country called Swadur?” “I don’t think so.” “I’m not surprised. It’s not even on most maps. There are dozens of these small countries all over Europe. In any case, they are threatening to go to war with a neighboring country called Panadona.” |

“Senator, this is horrible news,” said Ebon. “It still surprises me that after all these years of extraterrestrial influence that there is still a level of competitive diversity on your planet.” “I wish it wasn’t true,” replied Oldie. “I understand the importance of unification of the people of our world. However there are many that still need to come to terms with this idea.” “I look forward to that day, Senator. In any case, what can Primary Force do to help with this crisis?” “I need you to prevent Swadur from going to war.” Ebon turned to Violet briefly to affirm what she had just heard. Violet returned her gaze with an extremely concerned look. “Senator, if you are asking what I think you are asking, I’m afraid the answer would be no. It is our firm policy not to interfere with the internal politics of your planet. We are not here to be the police force for your world.” |

“Ebon, I am not asking you to go to war with them,” informed Oldie. “But something must be done to prevent this situation from escalating to that point.” “What do you suggest, Senator,” asked Ebon. “I can arrange for you to have a meeting with the leader of Swadur, a man named Nikolaos Szabolcs. Perhaps you can persuade him to rethink his position. I am not suggesting you do anything to actually stop him, if that is really what he wishes. But anything you can do that will have him rethink his position would be highly beneficial.” |

Ebon sat in quiet contemplation carefully assessing the situation. She glanced once again to Violet who gave her an “it’s your call” look. “Senator, if you can arrange a meeting for me with Mr. Szabolcs I will go speak to him,” said Ebon. “Thank you, Ebon Huntress,” said Senator Oldie. “I shall make the arrangements at once.” “I’m not making any promises, Senator. I’ll go and talk and we’ll see where things go from there.” “That’s all I can ask for.” |

Disconnecting the call from Senator Oldie, Ebon quickly contacted Chromed Avenger. “John, I need all the information you can get me about Swadur and their leader Nikolaos Szabolcs,” instructed Ebon. “I will send it to your terminal within the hour,” replied Chromed. Ebon turned to Violet as the viewscreen went blank and softly sighed. “I guess the day just got more interesting,” said Ebon. “Do you want me to come along?” asked Violet. “No. I’ll be okay. This isn’t a dangerous situation yet.” “Let’s hope it stays that way.” |

The next day, Ebon Huntress found herself waiting outside the office of Nikolaos Szabolcs, the leader of Swadur. She had studied the information provided by Chromed Avenger on her flight over, but it left her with more questions than answers. Nearly half an hour had passed before the secretary indicated she could enter the room. Walking inside Szabolcs smiled and stood up to greet her. “Ebon Huntress, it is an honor to meet you,” said Szabolcs. “The honor is mine, President Szabolcs,” replied Ebon as she sat down in the chair across from his desk. “Please, call me Nikolaos. I was surprised to find out you wanted to see me. We’re a small country and not used to being in the spotlight, so to speak. What can I do for someone as prestigious as you?” “Actually, I have come to try and help resolve your brewing conflict.” |

“So you have heard about our little problem,” said Szabolcs. “An unfortunate situation, but one I believe to be inescapable. Have you come to talk me out of it?” “Possibly,” replied Ebon. “My experience is that sometimes these things are unavoidable. That being said, I have come to learn the true nature of this conflict and see if a solution will present itself without the need for hostilities.” “It is quite simple. The government of Panadona is withholding resources that are crucial to the economic survival of my country. In short, they have placed an embargo against us.” |

“Yes, Nikolaos, I have heard of the embargo,” said Ebon. “I had the latest United Nation’s transcripts to review on my way over. What it didn’t tell me was the exact resource being withheld.” “It is not important,” replied Szabolcs. “It is enough to know that they are refusing to provide it to us.” “Please, Nikolaos. For me to understand the nature of this crisis, I must know what is beneath the surface of this embargo, especially since it is critical to your economy.” “Well, it’s just something we don’t talk about.” “Your entire economy is based on this one import and you are embarrassed to talk about it?” “Very well, Ebon Huntress. If you must know, it’s polyisoprene.” |

“Polyisoprene?” asked Ebon nervously. “Rubber,” replied Szabolcs. “It’s basically rubber. Panadona provides us with a high grade form of rubber, probably the best in the world. Our scientists and engineers have developed a process to produce a nearly unbreakable polyisoprene that is unrivaled in the world. It is our leading export and the principle foundation for our economy. Without the rubber from Panadona, we will not be able to produce the quality polyisoprene we have been providing for decades.” “Surely there must be an alternative you can use?” “I wish there was. We have been trying to come up with an alternative for years. Nothing comes close. I’m afraid the only way I can see to get out of this situation is to convince the government of Panadona to lift their embargo.” “I’ll see what I can do.” |

Once outside the office, Ebon called up Senator Oldie on her cell phone. “Senator, can you arrange a meeting with the leader of Panadona for me?” asked Ebon. “I anticipated your request, Ebon,” replied Oldie. “I have even arranged transportation for you, and a limousine is waiting for you at the street. You should be at Prime Minister Yulian Slava's office in just a couple of hours. How did you fare with President Szabolcs?” “I have a better understanding of what he is after. We’re not out of the woods yet.” |

Yulian Slava sat contently behind his desk as Ebon Huntress entered his office. She took a seat indicated in front of the desk, her eyes fixated on the two armed guards Slava had present behind him. “Ebon Huntress,” greeted Slava. “I have heard much about you. I was surprised to find out you wished to see me.” “It seemed like the appropriate course of action, Mr. Prime Minister,” replied Ebon. “I wish to speak with you about the international crisis with Swadur.” “It is not really that much of a concern to us. We are prepared for whatever course of action that fool Szabolcs decides to take.” Slava made a relaxed gesture towards his two guards. “Has he sent you to deal with me?” “I am here at the behest of my country’s government to attempt to prevent an outbreak of war.” “Yes, the Americans do love to play peacemakers. So how do you think you can help?” “First I would like to understand why you have placed an embargo of polyisoprene against the country of Swadur.” |

For a moment, Ebon saw Slava lose his composure. He quickly recovered and a thin smile formed upon his face. “Ebon Huntress, I am afraid you may have come here for nothing,” informed Slava. “What do you mean?” asked Ebon. “Our country has no embargo against Swadur.” “Excuse me?” “President Szabolcs knows we are more than willing to continue to provide him with all the polyisoprene we can produce, and that he can afford. If that is his reason for wanting to go to war, then I am afraid he has lied to you. This comes as no surprise to me.” “What do you mean?” “I have known Nikolaos almost my entire life. We attended the same schools, had most of the same study classes, and we even occasionally courted the same women. And when it came to women, he would say anything to get them to spend time with him and away from me. If my wife had not passed away, I bet he would still be trying to convince her to leave me and marry him.” |

“Prime Minister, certainly there must be something to his claim,” said Ebon. “The truth is that Nikolaos simply doesn’t want to pay the increased price,” replied Slava. “You increased the price?” “I’m afraid I had to. We had a substantial crop this year, and Nikolaos always wants as much as we can provide him. I am happy to oblige; however, we had to hire more workers to work in the fields and factory. This increased our operational expenses tremendously. Now I am a fair man. I could have made the people of Swadur pay for all of these additional expenses. Instead I only increased the base price per unit by one percent.” “I must admit that appears to be rather generous. So the only question I have is why doesn’t he pay the increased price?” “I am afraid the only person who can answer that is President Szabolcs.” |

Three hours later Ebon Huntress found herself once again walking into President Szabolcs office. “Ebon Huntress,” greeted Szabolcs. “I admit I was not expecting to see you again quite so soon. You have come with good news, I hope?” “I’m not sure,” replied Ebon. “Prime Minister Slava says he is willing to sell you polyisoprene.” “At his exorbitant price I bet. So he basically called me a liar, did he?” “Frankly, yes.” “Well, perhaps I exaggerated the situation. But I did not lie.” “Please explain.” |

“I am certain Prime Minister Slava told you he only increased his price by one percent,” began Szabolcs. “What he didn’t tell you the effect that one percent has on our economy. Simply put, that one percent is our entire profit margin. It is what we use to improve the lives of our citizens. It keeps me from having to raise their cost of living.” “One percent is responsible for all of that?” asked Ebon. “One percent is equivalent to one billion of your American Simoleons.” Ebon Huntress’s jaw dropped in amazement upon this revelation. “I had no idea.” “Of course you didn’t. Ebon Huntress, I am not an unreasonable man. I have no great desire to go to war with anyone. However I need to have something to operate with in order to keep my citizens happy. I would be willing to pay three fourths of Slava’s one percent increase and he knows this. I just don’t know why he won’t agree to the deal. And this is why I said he has an embargo against us.” “I guess there is only one way to find out.” |

Another three hours passed before Ebon Huntress found herself once again outside the office of Prime Minister Slava. Although the sun was just setting, Ebon felt like she had been up for days. She was just about to find the nearest hotel when she spotted Prime Minister Slava exiting his office for the night. “Prime Minister Slava, if I could have a quick moment with you?” asked Ebon. “Ebon Huntress, back so soon?” replied Slava. “I have a minute, but please make it quick. I have a dinner engagement that I am already late for.” “I promise not to be long. I have spoken with President Szabolcs about the one percent. He acknowledged what you said was true. He also told me he has countered with three fourths of the amount and that you have refused.” “So he speaks the truth now. Yes, I have rejected his counter-offer. My previous offer at one percent is my final offer. Allow me to save you some time. Nikolaos and I have been at the negotiating table for over six months now. I am certain he told you that one percent would ruin his economy and he’d have to raise taxes, and all kinds of other things. What he says is true to a point. His country makes enough off of his exports to pay for the one percent five times over. Now does this one percent seem such a horrible price?” |

“Prime Minister, surely you could lower your price even a little,” said Ebon. “As I said earlier today, Ebon Huntress, we have our expenses to think about as well,” replied Slava. “And it’s not like I am trying to cripple his country. I just think our country should share a little more in the rewards as well. We do provide the raw materials they need.” “Yet they produce the finished product. I appreciate your position Mr. Prime Minister. You have your people to worry about and he has his. The question is whose people are worth worrying about more?” “Do your research, Ebon Huntress. I believe you have those fancy computers of yours that can pull all the relevant data you need to make an informed decision. But as I said before, I am late for a dinner engagement. Feel free to stay at the nicest hotel in town and put it on my tab if you wish. But for now, I must depart.” |

Ebon Huntress woke the next morning with the rising sun. She hadn’t slept well that night, as she constantly struggled with all the information that she had gathered during her visits to both countries. Getting dressed, she called Senator Oldie once again on her cell phone. “Good morning, Ebon Huntress,” greeted Oldie. “How is the weather in Panadona this morning?” “Clear skies and a slight chill in the air. How are things in Pleasantview?” asked Ebon. “A foot of snow fell last night in the city. Things were a bit hectic first thing this morning, but everything has quieted down to its usual routine. So have you made any progress?” “Apparently I haven’t. Both leaders seem to be particularly stubborn about this. What is really distressing is that it really boils down to a simple matter of money.” |

“I wish I could say I didn’t know that to be the case,” informed Oldie. “You knew?” asked Ebon. “Ebon, what you have uncovered is still only what is on the surface. Most countries would find some sort of compromise. Slava and Szabolcs have been unwilling to negotiate for six months.” “Then why ask me to come out here?” “To see if you could rattle their cages.” “I don’t seem to have had that effect.” “Perhaps not. However, I have some more bad news for you to consider.” “Go ahead,” sighed Ebon. “The United States has a mutual assistance agreement with Panadona. That means if Swadur declares war, we have no choice but to come to their aid.” “How noble.” “It’s an agreement that has been in place for almost one hundred years. Ebon, I can’t emphasize enough how important it is we resolve this situation. The last thing the United States needs is to get involved in another war. Please dig deeper into the situation. You must get to the bottom of this.” |

After completing her conversation with Senator Oldie, Ebon took a few minutes to ponder her next course of action from the balcony of her hotel room. Staring out onto the capitol city of Panadona, Ebon couldn’t help notice that while the landscape may look different from her home in Pleasantview, the way the people went about their daily routines was basically the same. And since there was no apparent difference in citizens, she concluded that there was no reason they should suffer because of the actions of their country’s leaders. With this new found determination she returned to her room and quickly contacted Chromed Avenger. “John, I need a comparison of the economics between Swadur and Panadona,” instructed Ebon. “I have the figures ready to be processed,” said Chromed. “What should I be looking for?” “President Szabolcs says a one percent increase would ruin the country of Swadur economically. Prime Minister Slava says without it the country of Panadona would be the one suffering. Does the economic data support either one of their claims?” “No.” |

“So, both men are lying,” concluded Ebon. “I am not certain that is the case,” informed Chromed. “Please explain.” “Both countries have a considerable reserve of money. Either one of them could easily bear the burden of this one percent increase.” “In your analysis which country benefits the most from this?” “Panadona benefits the most, unless Prime Minister Slava plans on making all of his workers millionaires. Looking at the historic data, President Szabolcs is more likely to take the majority of the money and further the development of his country whereas Prime Minister Slava is more likely to simply horde the money.” “Then what would be Slava’s motivation to ask for the one percent?” “It appears that for the past twenty years Panadona has increased the price of polyisoprene per annum. However, the increase in price does not coincide with any increase in production.” “So why is Panadona increasing the price?” “I cannot answer that. However, I can tell you the price increases started the year after Prime Minister Slava was elected. In fact only recently has he drastically increased the price of polyisoprene.” “Then Prime Minister Slava has some explaining to do.” |

Ebon Huntress sat patiently outside the office of Prime Minister Slava for what she hoped would be the last time. For three hours she waited before being informed that Slava was ready to meet with her. Walking into the office, she took a seat while Slava finished looking over the papers laid out across his desk. “Ebon Huntress, I must admit these interruptions of my schedule are starting to become bothersome,” said Slava. “With luck this will be the last one for a long time,” informed Ebon. “Then you have come to tell me Szabolcs is either going to pay the price increase or I should start calling my allies and have them prepare for a war.” “You seem highly confident that these are the only two possible outcomes.” “There is the possibility that Szabolcs is just bluffing. But for as long as I have known him, I doubt this is the case.” “Then why are you trying to force this situation?” “I am not sure what you are talking about. I need to support my country and establish a more dominant role in the European Union.” “And you plan to do this by continuing to increase the price Swadur must pay every year?” “For the amount of money we can make from them, yes. But I am willing to propose another solution.” “I’m listening.” “It’s quite simple really. Swadur becomes a part of Panadona.” “So the real truth finally reveals itself. This has been your plan all along. You would take control of Swadur, either through economic, political or military means. For what purpose?” “By combing our two countries we would control more land in Europe, and with that comes more economic and political control in the European Union. And if you must know, it also means I will no longer have to deal with that fool Szabolcs.” “I see. I sense you have some very deep-rooted issues with Szabolcs.” “You can sense whatever you like. However, you are going to have to sense it from afar from now on. Ebon Huntress, despite your relationship with the United States, I am afraid you are no longer welcome in my country. Furthermore, and I shall inform Senator Oldie of this as well, if the United States or Primary Force does anything to directly aid Szabolcs I shall consider that a breach of our treaty and there shall be considerable consequences. I expect you to be on the first flight out of our country.” |

Two days later, Ebon found herself in the conference room at The Bunker with Violet Haze, Chromed Avenger, Emerald Guardian and Senator Oldie. She had just completed her briefing and opened the room to discuss options. “It would appear Prime Minister Slava is doing this out of some kind of spite,” said Violet. “And I don’t see what we can do about it,” agreed Oldie. “If it wasn’t for our agreement with Panadona we could support Swadur economically. Although our country buys a significant portion of the refined polyisoprene from Swadur, we would never be able to make up the difference Slava is asking for, and I doubt we could convince all the other buyers to help with the burden as either.” “Prime Minister Slava has apparently been planning this for a long time,” said Ebon. “If this had been noticed five years ago, action could have been taken to prevent the current situation from occurring.” “What if there was another option?” asked Emerald |

“You have our attention, Kryss,” said Ebon. “What do you suggest?” “It seems to me that the principle economy of Swadur is based on a plant,” informed Emerald. “Hevea brasiliensis.” “Excuse me?” asked Oldie. “The rubber tree in plain English. What if Swadur was capable of growing their own farms and didn’t need to rely on importing the polyisoprene from Panadona?” “I am familiar with the species you speak of, Kryss,” informed Chromed. “It is native to South America. What are the chances of it surviving a transplant process?” “More importantly, how could it be done without our apparent involvement?” asked Oldie. “I believe I know someone who can help solve both of these problems,” said Emerald. “Call her, Kryss,” said Ebon as a smile formed on her face. “See if she can get over immediately.” |

An hour later, Garanti Tulseir walked into the briefing room and sat down at the table. “Ebon Huntress, I was surprised to find out you wanted to see me,” said Garanti. “It is good to see you again, Garanti,” said Ebon. “Emerald brought it to our attention that you are uniquely qualified to solve a problem we have.” “I’ll be glad to help anyway I can. You know how much I love to help.” “Yes I do,” smiled Ebon as Emerald blushed slightly in his chair. “We need someone who can help another country start a crop that is not native to their region.” “Is that all? Emerald, darling, I thought you said you had a challenge for me.” “Don’t take this too lightly,” said Ebon. “Two countries are prepared to go to war over this.” “Ebon, I don’t see how she can help with the other problem,” said Oldie. “She does live here in Pleasantview.” “But she’s not a citizen of this country, Senator. She is only a resident. It will be a couple years before she is officially declared a citizen, provided she chooses to stay here long enough to become one.” “Per the terms the agreement, Senator, only citizens of this country and members of Primary Force can not directly interfere,” informed Chromed. “Garanti is neither. And she is an expert botanist.” “But will Szabolcs go for this?” asked Oldie. “I’ll see to it that he does,” smiled Ebon. |

Back at Garanti’s flower shop, Ebon placed a call to President Szabolcs. Within minutes his image came up on the viewscreen. “Ebon Huntress,” greeted Szabolcs. “I was not certain I would ever hear from you again.” “It is good to speak with you again Nikolaos,” said Ebon. “I have an urgent matter I would like to discuss with you. Let me ask you again, if there was a way to keep you from going to war, would you take it?” “I have no desire to go to war. But I must protect the interests of my country.” “I understand. Allow me to introduce an associate of mine, Garanti Tulseir.” “Greetings, Ms. Tulseir. My apologies, Ebon, but how can she help?” “I’ll let her explain in a minute, but first I want you to agree to pay Prime Minister Slava his one percent.” “Are you insane, Ebon? Do you know what that will do to our country?” “Not nearly as much as you would have me believe, but allow Garanti to provide you with her qualifications.” “President Szabolcs, I can increase your output production of refined polyisoprene by at least fifty percent,” said Garanti. “Furthermore, I can show your scientists what they need to do to successfully transplant rubber trees to your country and produce your own supply of raw polyisoprene.” “How is this possible?” asked Szabolcs. “Our scientists have tried to figure out a way to do that for over a decade.” “I will make it possible, Mr. President. It’s what I do. Furthermore, I can also show you how to make superior crops to those that you get from Panadona. This will produce an even better form of refined polyisoprene than what you produce now.” “Nikolaos, is one percent now to big a price to pay for total economic freedom a year from now?” asked Ebon. Szabolcs sat in silence for a minute and then began to laugh. “Ebon Huntress, you are absolutely correct,” agreed Szabolcs. “I would be a bigger fool than what Slava thinks I am if I turned down this opportunity. Not to mention it will be like throwing mud in his face. Very well, I will agree to pay his one percent.” “Excellent, Nikolaos. I knew I could count on you to do the right thing. Having made the proper introductions, I will now leave the two of you to discuss any additional arrangements. Good luck to you.”So concludes the nineteenth chapter of Primary Force. Stay tuned for Chapter 20: Old Time Troubles |
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